Love, and the paths you have to take to get to it, have been in the forefront of my mind this week. Within the span of one week I got the first email from the girl I love in almost two years, my sister got engaged, and my 83 year old grandmother got engaged. Yes, you read that right. :P
I’ve wrote about Heather and I ad nauseam before. I won’t rehash the story. It’s enough to say I am, and always will be, in love with that girl. Needless to say her initiating contact with me for the first time in that length of time was confusing to say the least. It’s not unusual for her to be back visiting from her adopted home in England. This particular visit was for her friend Jessica’s wedding. Another wedding. I’m seeing a pattern. Why in the midst of this wedding prep she thought of me enough to reach out and try and meet up is a question left for her. Trying to reason it out has only left me sickly, depressed and longing for her.
I believe in fate. I believe that some things are meant to be and carry out as they do. Not from some heavenly power, but from us. There are things we’re drawn to. Things we know in our hearts we will do and see and experience. Those of us stubborn enough to hold on to those feelings know the joys of fate. I’ve also thought Heather and I we’re fated to be together. The very first moment I met her it was “oh there she is..”
I bring up the idea of fate to mostly comfort myself in my aching and longing for her. A feeling I’ve carried every single day for the last 6 years. It show’s no sign of abatement. There’s been other girls. Some I’ve liked more than others. None we’re her, nor did I expect them to be.
One of my best friends, Zeb, has been happily married for a few years now. A lovely wife and two adorable children. They met when they were children. When Zeb was 16 and Alicia was 13 he said “I’m going to marry that girl.” He did. It took ten years but it happened like he said it would.
My grandmother will have her 83rd birthday this month. As I said before she’s recently gotten engaged. The man she’s marrying is a man she’s known for 50 years. They’ve always been interested in each other. It would just never work out. One would be married and the other would be single.. etc etc.
My sister met her boyfriend on eharmony. They hit it off immediately. Spending almost every extra minute together. They’ve only been dating a few months. Now they’re engaged. This has an air of fate to it because he’s not at all the type she usually dates. At all. In fact almost completely opposite in every way. I love my sister and I’m happy for her but it all brings me back to Heather
Those are all sweet stories and they give me hope that Heather and I may still work out. For whatever reason our previous relationship scared her. She backed off and ran into the nearest set of arms she could find. These are her issues. She’s a scared little girl who plays at being grown up in a lot of ways. Tho I reel slightly from saying that as I’m in no different position. Stagnating in a life I hate. In a town that continues to feel more like a prison.
Fate, Stubbornness, or a lie I tell myself so I don’t burst into tears every waking moment? I’m not sure. The only thing I do know is that nothing in my life ever felt right except her and music. Something I also felt “destined” to do almost 10 years before I even learned to play.
Life is strange.